MARG

PLAYS by KEITH JOHNSTONE

“Many people find my adult plays disturbing but isn’t the whole universe disturbing? Anyway, be warned. And I apologise for not being about to write more comfortable plays. Here are extracts from a few of the ones I like.” – Keith Johnstone

 

Various plays are available through Keith’s manager. Click on contact if you are interested in obtaining copies.

 

CHILDREN’S PLAYS

Frog Wife

 

FULL-LENGTH PLAYS

Crusoe

Moby Dick

The Last Bird
The Cord 

They Came by Night

SHORT (TILT) PLAYS

Geronimo
I Want to Get Into You
Marg

The Invitation

An excerpt from the play by Keith Johnstone.

MARG (A Professor finds a strange woman in his apartment. She doesn't

know who she is, or why she's there, until she regains her memory)

Marg An African tribe trained me to please men. I was spread naked on

a cross for the delectation of a College of Cardinals. I....(REALIZES

THE IMPROBABILITY OF THIS RIGMAROLE) It's true! It's all true!

 

A PAUSE

 

Alf In my considered opinion...

 

HE NOTICES A BAG (UNDER THE BED?)

 

Yours?

 

THEY BOTH LOOK AT IT.

 

Kathy's?

 

MARG DOESN'T KNOW

 

Room Eric and Derek said you'd need it, Sir.

 

Alf Let's hope it contains the key to this mystery.

 

ALF GETS THE BAG AND OPENS IT. HE TAKES OUT EROTIC OBJECTS INCLUDING

A NUN'S COSTUME

 

Whip. Nun's costume. Vibrator. Birthday card..

 

HE READS THE BIRTHDAY CARD, BEMUSED

 

"Happy birthday, Alf, love, Eric and Derek."

 

Marg Alf?

 

Alf Alfred. My name.

 

TAKES OPERATING MANUAL OUT OF THE BAG

 

Instruction Manual. It's a sex-doll.

 

Marg (DISGUSTED SOUND) How disgusting.

 

Alf (LAUGHS) How could I be so stupid? They didn't know I'd be out of

town! Of course! (READING THE MANUAL) "Authentic bruising. Magic

flexi-skin. Deep throat...."

 

Marg (CUTTING IN OVER HIS WORDS) You don't have to read it out loud!

 

Alf (READS THE INSIDE OF A BIRTHDAY CARD?) "PS. We thought Mistress of

Discipline might involve physical injury, so we set her on Lesbian

Librarian from Hell!"

 

THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER

 

PAUSE

 

Alf Come on, Marg! See the joke can't you?

 

Marg If there's an explanation, I'd like to hear it.

 

Alf Ever heard of 'denial'? Or do you think it's a river in Egypt?

(SHOWS HER THE OPERATING MANUAL). Marg. M. A. R. G. Multiple Access

Robot Gratifier. (SHOWS HER THE COVER) You're on the cover. (RUMMAGING

IN BAG) Should be a zapper in here somewhere...

 

Marg (APPALLED) Someone took a photograph of me and.....I'm human,

damn it!

 

ALF FINDS THE 'ZAPPER' AND STUDIES HOW TO PROGRAMME IT

 

Alf Sorry Marg. You're just a lot of electrical connections put

together in a factory.

 

Marg (RAMPAGING AROUND?) I'm real. My Mother put me on the streets to

earn money for food. Father was a mine-worker who sexually abused me

without washing off the pit-dirt.

 

Alf That's all false memory programmed in to excite me when we screw.

 

Marg I have a job! I'm not a..a...You'll go to jail for this!

 

Alf (WAVING MANUAL?) There's a trademark inside your bum-cheeks.

 

Marg (SCREAMS) I am not a machine! My thoughts are not scripted!

 

Alf There'll be a randomizer in you somewhere. Can't have you spewing

out the same phrases like a pull-my-string doll

 

Marg (REALIZING IT MAY BE TRUE, AND IN DESPAIR) What about my visions?

What about my spirituality!

 

Alf That's for when you're a Nun!

 

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CULTURE BOOKLET (Front and back cover ar